What Do You Say When Someone Family Member Is Dying

Concluding updated 29^th March 2021

half dozen min read

When someone dies information technology's never piece of cake to know what to say to those left behind.

Yous want to admit the loss and permit your friend or family member know you're thinking of them, merely how practice you know what to say?

In that location are ways show your love and support, and to ease them through the conversation – besides as a few phrases to avoid.

If you lot're starting to think about your own funeral, read more well-nigh funeral plans here.

Ways to express sympathy and condolences

What do you say when someone has lost a loved one? Should I share my favourites memories or volition that be lamentable to hear? Will y'all make them more upset? Am I being sensitive enough?

If you're worried about finding the right words, we've put together a list of comforting things you could say to show your dear and back up.

The best things to say when someone dies

• I'grand then sad for your loss
• You are in our thoughts and prayers
• They will be so missed
• I'k very sorry to hear this tragic news
• I'm shocked and saddened past this devastating news
• I can't imagine how you must experience correct at present
• If you want to talk, I'm here at any time
• I'g thinking of you in this heart-breaking time
• She/he was a wonderful person, I'chiliad and so sorry they're gone

There are things that you tin say or do that can exist supportive or begin to open up the chat. These 'Dos' and other words of condolement might offer some help.

DO: offer your fourth dimension

"I'm here for you"

Your friend or family unit member might not want, or even demand, your help initially, but you tin can be certain they'll appreciate your fourth dimension a little later on.

Just knowing there's a supportive face up to open to can offer dandy condolement, while giving the person space and letting them mourn at their own step.

"I'yard if yous'd similar a chat"

Permit people know when yous're gratis for a chat. Information technology's important that they know yous're here for them. They'll capeesh whatever time you can spare to assistance them through the hard time.

"Is at that place anything I tin can assistance you with?"

It might be a small-scale gesture, but applied support is but equally meaningful as emotional support.

Afterward a death, there are many things that need to be dealt with, and helping with everyday tasks can make the deviation.

Fifty-fifty if information technology's simply offering to make a meal or helping with the housework.

Practise: Keep information technology focused on them

"How are you doing?"

Asking open questions gives the bereaved a chance to open up up and talk about how they're really feeling.

Offer a supportive ear and mind to what they have to say.

"I don't know what to say"

Sometimes, there are no 'right' words and that's fine. But information technology'due south important to keep talking – near anything.

This way yous're keeping lines of communication open up. It shows yous're there and you care, which is what they need most. They may not exist ready to talk about the person who died, and so this leaves the decision with them.

What to write to show you care

You lot don't e'er need to have a phone call to let someone know you're thinking of them.

If you're non able to speak, instead transport a sympathy carte du jour or letter, an e-mail, or a quick text.

Sending a card when someone dies is a simple offering of sympathy, but it lets them know you're there if they need to talk. If you need help, read our what to write in sympathy messages article.

Even if y'all don't become a reply, they will appreciate the idea.

What else to consider when talking to someone who is grieving

In expressing sympathy, you lot're offering compassion and concern for the grieving person, so make their feelings your principal priority.

If you're really struggling, it might be helpful to know the sort of thing yous should be avoiding.

What not to say

While we might not mean any impairment, in that location are things that can be less than helpful to a grieving person. Here some phrases to avoid:

• They're in a better identify
• Stay strong
• At least they're no longer suffering
• Yous'll motility on in time

These may seem like innocent phrases, simply they can be quite harmful and dismiss someone's pain.

Don't: try to prepare or speed up someone's grief

"At that place is a reason for everything"

When consoling a grieving friend, don't feel every bit though it's your job to justify or rationalise the death for them. But be there and listen.

"At least they lived a long life"

No matter the age of the deceased, the expiry of a family member or friend is unimaginably painful.

Don't: focus on yourself

"I know merely how you experience"

Fifty-fifty if you have lost someone yourself, and you desire to bear witness you lot sympathise their feelings, information technology won't offering any condolement to someone who's grieving.

We all cope with loss differently, and you can never fully understand how someone else is feeling, so it'due south best to avert comparing the situations.

"Are you feeling better withal?"

These uncomplicated words will hurt your friend more than you call back.

Information technology may take people months or years to grieve and for some people information technology will never experience better.

While we want our loved ones' hurting to ease as quickly equally possible, it'due south best non to assume or put a timer on other people'south emotions.

Don't: Continue tranquility

Sometimes keeping serenity can be even worse than saying the wrong thing.

It's difficult to know what to say but if you don't say annihilation at all, it can feel to the bereaved as though they're existence ignored when they need you most.

Consider what you're saying to someone, and at the very least let them know you lot're in that location to talk.

Useful contacts

Death and grief are never piece of cake to talk virtually, and frequently people are unsure what to do.

It's a difficult subject and people handle information technology differently, so y'all might exist more than comfortable discussing loss anonymously with someone who knows simply the right things to say.

The Cruse charity offers a wide range of support, with a free helpline, whether you're the bereaved or trying to help a friend through a tough menstruation.

Similarly, Dying Matters accept plenty of free resource available to help you lot talk more openly about death and bereavement.

Funeral planning tips and tools

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Source: https://www.sunlife.co.uk/articles-guides/funeral-planning/what-do-you-say-when-someone-dies/